Archive for August, 2009

Grey’s Anatomy In Space, but not really.

August 23, 2009 Leave a comment

I recently watched Defying Gravity, a new ABC show that is being described as Grey’s Anatomy in space. As I watched I realized that whoever thought up that comparison was either an idiot or had never seen Grey’s Anatomy. (that sounds dirty) This person apparently doesn’t have the ability to differentiate ideas and concepts. He goes around comparing apples and oranges, he tells people things like “up is like down, but in Australia”, and once he acquired third degree burns after attempting to plug his own dick into a wall socket after mistaking it for an extension cord. The latter being extremely upsetting because it wasn’t really that long a ding dong, but in an effort to abide by journalistic integrity I do feel the need to report (for the ladies) it was wider than normal.

Now that I have the requisite dick joke out of the way, it was really solid science fiction, that was light on the nerd factor. The pilot introduces great characters with well thought out back stories and interesting motives. This is a rare thing on television and even more rare in science fiction. The genre gives vast freedoms to story and plot, but characters usually come from the bargain bin. Defying Gravity is really a solid show, but if you are looking for quality sci fi I’m afraid you better look fast slumping ratings may send this show to join Firefly and Virtuality.
The cast is composed of the guy from early edition that got the news paper early and the really hot blond chick from a Nickelodeon soap opera that came on when I was a kid called “Fifteen”. At the time I was “Thirteen” and really liked “Fifteen” mainly because of her, “twelve” years later I finally got to see her in her undies and it took me back. I immediately felt confused about my pants getting tighter and had a craving for Power Ranger gummy snacks. (two wiener jokes, Good Blog!)
So here’s the short of it: It’s not Grey’s Anatomy in space, it’s more Lost in space, but not the Danger Will Robinson kind, , more like the Freckles and The Other Lost…in space. The characters are solid and the nerd factor is low, considering it takes place on a spaceship. The stories are slow paced, but they aren’t used up and gimmicky. If you are looking for new episodes in the summer here is your show. Give it try, you might like it. I give it a solid 7 out 10 rings around your anus. (Not even subtle with that last one)
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My First Review

August 19, 2009 2 comments

The time honored review. For thousands of years it has allowed unqualified, unintelligent men and women the ability to criticize things they have no business even thinking about. So with that in mind I shall review something so great that no person has ever dared review it…TELEVISION. Not one specific show, not a certain brand, make, or model. I won’t compare LCD to plasma, flat to round, big to small. No, this is bigger than any of that. I review TELEVISION the medium. Hold on to your keyboard, you’re not going to like everything you read.

Television raised me, it taught me my ABCs, how to count, how to act socially, and even how to love. (In thirty minute chunks and I do my best work after eight) So know, that as I write this it comes out of a place of love, there is no hatred in this post. With that said we’ll start with the rating…bum, bum,bum,bum…bum…bum. I give it a 4 out 10 fuzzy channels. I know its low, really low. A 4 is below 5 and just barely above 3. That is a vast improvement from where it started though and I can only hope that it will continue to get better. And it’s not all TV’s fault, we all need to take a step back and look at what we’ve done, lest we do it again.
TV is democracy at its most raw. If a show doesn’t get viewers, it’s quickly cancelled never to be seen or heard from again. This makes TV a perfect reflection of us and lately it’s looking less like the prom queen and more like your prom date. (she was a four you know it) While I don’t expect Television to be pristine and clean, I do expect it to be dignified or at least not dropping a baby in the dumpster behind the gym before the first dance. And that brings us to our first problem.
I DIDN’T KNOW I WAS PREGNANT: What the fuck, WTF, What the fuck? This is a real show, it is made by dozens of dedicated professionals, thousands upon thousands of dollars are put into each episode, its shot through fucking space before it reaches your house, it is no small effort, people are making this on purpose. Let me sum up the show for you with this simple equation: Fat + Stupid = baby in a toilet. That is pretty much every episode. I won’t comment on the situation anymore than that. What bothers me is that this is presented to you for your entertainment and even more disturbing its on Discovery Health. This would be a channel that pretends to want to educate you. Stop watching this shit, it’s bad for you. Discovery Health should make a show about shit like this making you dumber. Whoever came up with this show should be killed, this brings us to our next problem.
PEOPLE SHOULDN’T DIE FOR US TO MAKE TV: Never should the premise of a show require that someone die. It doesn’t matter that its cheap to make because our legal system makes court hearings public property. I doubt when laws were made regarding the open and translucent legal system, that lawmakers had true crime TV in mind. A translucent legal system is required for a free nation to exist, people must be able to make sure that court proceedings are on the up and up, but people do not need a thirty minute murder mystery based on someone’s dead son or daughter. And more over the court doesn’t need to happily hand over evidence, crime scene photos, and tapes. This is bad TV, I should know I have made hours of it. (yeah yeah I know it’s hypocritical of me, but leaving out would be too, so shut up) Lets all make a deal right now, if someone you know dies don’t go on TV and fucking talk about it to anyone other than a legitimate news source and only if its legitimate news…
NEWS: On any given day the world generates roughly two hours of useful news. This means that 22 hours of 24 hour news channels are filler or the same two hours 12 times. Head Line News at least doesn’t try to hide it. Here is how you know when there is too much news on TV, networks come up with things like “The beer Summit”, “Benifer”, and you know more about John and Kate’s marriage than your own. We just need to back up off this shit a little bit. Just a little, I’m not saying all you need is a newspaper, I would never encourage reading. (other than this blog) I am getting too tired for a clever segue at this point and I doubt anyone is still reading…
IT IS GETTING BETTER THOUGH: As bad as TV is now it used to be a -4. Never let an older person sit down and tell you that “Two and a half men is too dirty” or that “lost has too much sex”. Back when TV first started and “The greatest generation” was watching and minorities weren’t allowed on it unless to serve a white person. Will and Grace may have had some trashy humor, but at least it wasn’t you 1970s gay joke that required short shorts, and a poodle. You may get a little upset over some of Sponge Bob Squar Pants fart jokes, but at least he won’t introduce children to anyone name Hooey Fooey or some other terrible stereotype.
And that my friends is all the bad I will ever speak of Television. I will only draw your attention to the good from here on out. There are too many other people happy to bash someone’s hard work. Instead I will endeavor to sit through hours and hours of crap to hopefully find you the diamonds in the turds. I will only review the good and never any shows that break my rules or Television laid down for you in great length above.
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Web Game Review – Red Remover

August 5, 2009 Leave a comment
Red Remover

Another Cool mindless web game … or is it?!
This is a cool little puzzle game that has 1 rule. That rule is to get all the red blocks off the screen. You can click them to make them disappear or make them fall off the screen. That’s the only rule!
Oh wait, you have light-red and dark-red objects. So you click on the light-red objects to get them off the screen but you have to make the dark-red object fall off the screen.

Crap, you need to save the green objects too, and the blue ones can be saved or taken off the screen. And then! you have to factor in 4 different directions of gravity! Lets check out some gameplay footage …

So this is a pretty fun and time killer. You can play through each stage once, then again to make par, then again on bonus mode. Once you accomplish all of that, 5 bonus stages are unlocked for a total of 45 stages.

Some of the puzzle elements are pretty tough, especially when trying to complete the stage at par. I think the 39th level was toughest for me. Timing was so important. If you have any questions about solving a stage, shoot me an e-mail or write a comment and i’ll help out if i can.

There is also an Edit mode where you can make your own levels, looks pretty cool and easy to do but I haven’t really played with that feature.

Should you play it? Yes

Total play time: 3hrs (2 days on and off play time for me)

My rating: 8 out of 10 glasses of white wine.
You can play it here at

Thanks for reading. Keep checking back for more info from Jacksboro.

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Funny People – A Movie Review – No spoilers

August 4, 2009 3 comments
All reviews contain my opinions based on my experiences.
Please play the game, watch the
movie, or read the book to decide if you like, dislike, disagree or agree with this review.

Funny people,
Written, Produced, Directed by: Non other than , Judd Apatow. The guy that created the blockbuster “Super Bad” which was fantastic! ($121.4M Box office Gross, not to mention the DVD Sales!)

This is Judd Apatow’s second movie of the summer. It’s made $22.7M in its first weekend. The First was “Year one” with $19.6M in it’s first weekend and $41.8M Total gross (Data from IMDB 8.3.2009) Year one was a mediocre flick that I would rather not get into because it wasn’t good. At all! It felt like they shot alot of Michael Cera and Jack Black improv, then in the edit room they said “ok what do we have” and slapped a bunch of shit together.

Let me get back to the point of this post. Funny people.

Was it funny?
Was it sad?
Not really
Was it long?
Rental or theater?
Theater if you have the time and money. Might be a better rental.

Funny people is a story about a famous comedian named George Simmons(Adam Sandler), his experience with a rare disease and his glimpse at death. Everyone knows and loves George, it’s pretty cool what they did with the movie. They used a ton of old video and photos from Sandler’s early years and used it as “George reflecting on his younger years”.
The film was steadily funny. I often chuckled really hard at Jonah Hill or Jason Schwartzman’s characters.
There were a crap load of cameos in this movie. It was like an episode of entourage! We had James Taylor, Andy Dick, Paul Reiser, Norm MacDonald, Dave Attell, Sarah Silverman, Eminem, Ray Romano and a couple others that I can’t think of.

This isn’t a very “Apatow” movie with the tons of improv. It’s not really a Sandler movie with the loud crude humor. Seth Rogen is a funny guy and the movie has a decent story. The Movie was funny and sweet BUT …. at 2 hr. 16 min. it was was to fuckin’ long. I found myself looking at my watch 4 or 5 times and questioning “is this movie over yet”.
If they would trim 3o minutes of crap off this movie, then it would have had a better score from me.
[drumroll] Final Score [drumroll]

3.5 out of 5 pigs in a blanket

Good date movie
2.25 hrs means you get your $9 worth
Neat Story
Cool use of Adam Sandler archives and history

Too long!
Should have been funnier
Still angry about Judd Apatow’s “Year One”

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Thanks For reading!

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